Of Red
by Taxxed
Summary: Red dominated his reality. This was the reality Shinji had chosen, and yet, this reality had become a burden not only to him, but to those who had escaped the One as well.


I was a bit bored on Sunday, and during church had an idea for a quick Eva fiction to get my creative juices flowing after watching End of Evangelion and the final Eva episode again last night. I practically wrote most of this during the hour during church and the additional hour at Denny's eating breakfast; it took me three hours to write, and I'm still not finished editing it. I need critique, though, and can't upload it on just yet. Also, should I continue the story and add in the people who also escaped Instrumentality with Shinji and Asuka encountering them along the way? If I do, it'll be from the people's point of view with Asuka and Shinji as characters they meet individually (with maybe some occasional input from the characters from the show, we'll see.) So, should I just leave it like this or add more?

Yes, I'm aware the story doesn't make much sense and tapers off in the end, but, I can't really help that. I didn't know where to end. ..;; I did try and keep it as fucked up as the original source material, though, do I get a cookie? Yes, by the way, I played around with canon, sort of, it's been stated that Aoba has romantic interests in Maya, but it never said she spurned his advances, _totally._ Plus, I've always liked the guy and would rather have him join the One of his own free will, y'know? That's pretty much the only reason I added him in there.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything to do with Eva (save for some DVDs,) or Misato, or Asuka, or Rei, or Ritsuko, or Maya, or any of the other females in Eva.

**Of Red.**

Shinji Ikari knelt by the edge of the white beach, examining the sea of LCL, letting the fluid flow through his calloused fingers. Funny how most of what this tainted sea was comprised off had once been his friends, or rather, people he knew and who knew him; or even people who didn't know him, but were affected by his choices none-the-less. The world had become tainted with blood; the once blue ocean had become tinted orange: a dark, dark orange, it even smelled like blood. A streak of blood tapered across the horizon, blue. The white face of Lilith, whose clear, blank eyes now watched over everything - everything. The Mother of humanity's head rested in the ocean; watching over what had become of her children. One mind, one form, all had become one; except Shinji and the red.

Red dominated his reality, the reality he alone had wished for. Red. The color Ayanami had hated. Red. It was only fitting that the only other person with him now was also red; Asuka. She hadn't spoken to him since she had woken up and he had tried to kill her, she hadn't been real then anyway. "How disgusting," the only words the once loudmouthed redhead had spoken to him since then had been uttered months ago-it might have been days, however, time seemed to be in a constant flux in Shinji's world of red. Regardless, Asuka had not spoken a single word to him after that, and he didn't pry; he owed her that much, she was there after all.

All Asuka did was lie on the beach for hours on end before falling asleep and look upwards towards space, occasionally reaching out a hand, as if trying to grab one of the many stars seemingly unaffected by humanity's doom. The bandaged she had entered the world wearing had long since been taken off of her, but Shinji would not throw them away. Instead, he kept them rolled up in his pockets at all times. They were forever a reminder of the Ayanami he had seen on that fateful day one the bridge, staring down the monster that had been Unit 00, as she tried to stand up, gritting her teeth from the pain of the numerous wounds she had received God knows when. She had been the second.

Shinji dipped his hands into the LCL once more, and then stood up, sniffing them.

They smelled like blood, everything smelled like blood now. The moon above him shone red, like an open wound forever bleeding light into this world. Who knew where the sun went? It was forever night in Shinji's reality, forever red.

The young pilot -ex pilot, now, he supposed-walked down the beach with his hands in his pockets, headed in the opposite direction of Asuka and his' make-shift camp, he didn't

know where he was going. It wasn't a camp, not really, they didn't sleep in tents; there was no need. They slept on the beach, spent their time on the beach, bathed in the LCL fluid (Shinji never felt clean, no matter how hard he scrubbed; blood,) and they never felt hunger unless they willed themselves to feel it. That was how they lived.

He walked for what seemed like miles, leaving a trail of small footprints in the sand behind him, and eventually came upon the entrance into the Geo-front. How had he missed it? Hadn't he been up and down this beach seemingly thousands of times before? Could it be that perhaps he had subconsciously been avoiding going down there because it would bring only painful memories-and for that matter, the wreckages of other places as well?

'Could I be that much of a coward?' He thought to himself, clenching his fists and gritting his teeth. It was an emergency entrance (on the top if read in large letters "GEOFRONT"), it seemed, a circular door made of reinforced steel that popped out of the ground; it was more of a hatch than a door, really. With some effort he managed to open it and found a small metal ladder leading down into, he supposed, one of the NERV Geo-front entrances. Shinji peered in and could not see an end to how far the ladder went down - 20 kilometers, maybe?

Urged by an unknown force he stepped slowly, cautiously onto the ladder and began his descent. Shinji didn't look down, didn't dare. It was dark in the tunnel, very dark, but for some odd reason, he did not feel scared in the least. In fact, the closer he got to the light which became clearer with each downward climb towards the tunnel's end, a refreshing sense of familiarity began to overwhelm him. Down, down, down, and soon, he had reached the end. The only thing that kept him from what looked to be NERV HQ now was a small grate which he quickly got passed as he let himself fall from the foot of the ladder downwards. The metal grate landed on the concrete floor with a loud clunk. A loud echo followed and went on for what seemed like an eternity.

This hallway was familiar, yes; Shinji had passed this corridor many times before in his pilot career. It was all a familiar shade of silver that gave off the impression of pure professionalism and sophistication that no other building he had ever been in could ever hope to imitate. It was NERV, and he was only three floors from the bridge. He began to walk towards it, and after turning into the next corridor, he heard a sickening crunch beneath his shoe heel. Shinji jumped back and saw that what he had stepped on was an arm, a severed arm. The blood around it was orange and dry, it was almost like LCL itself, and already the arm gave off the distinct smell of decay that dead bodies so often have.

Shinji screamed.

00.

After his fit had stopped he took off in a sprint further, further, and turned into another corridor (the above lights here didn't seem to be working anymore, and the only light he received was from the lit panels on the side of wall; red,) where he was greeted with more bodies and more blood (LCL?), always blood (LCL?); some of which where buried beneath piles of rubble with only a limb or two sticking out from the concrete. The further he went, the more these bodies buried under the concrete looked more like tombs than accidents caused by explosions. Also, the blood which had been splattered on almost all the other walls that followed the first one was less and less as he went on. Had someone cleaned them off the walls?

He continued to navigate in the dark, occasionally jumping over piles of wreckage or the make-shift tombs. These, he saw, seemed to be adorned with crosses made from twigs and sticks more and more as he got closer to the bridge. After some time, he found a staircase that would lead him directly to the bridge. Shinji didn't think any of the elevators were working.

When he reached the Bridge's floor, he heard up ahead the sound of what he thought might be a guitar. It reverberated throughout the corridors and gave Shinji such a shock that he tripped on a rock and hit his head against the floor.

_"...ying a stairway to heaven.">_

The voice sounded familiar, but sang in English; which he didn't know and thus couldn't be sure whose voice it was. His nose was a bit bloodied from the fall, but not broken and he was thankful for that. The red glow from the walls gave some illumination, but he didn't want to risk any more falls and now took his time in walking.

Finally, he reached the doorway to the NERV command center and bridge; home of the MAGI; and where his father and Misato (his thoughts drifted slowly to the kiss she had given him before all of this...red fluid seeping out from her abdomen, a bloody kiss between friends. She had promised him they would do more when he returned, she had lied. Did he even still have her cross anymore?) had once commanded him to fight to save humanity. This was where NERV had forced him to pilot the eva. Memories, memories, oh so red.

Once more Shinji heard the sound of the guitar, slow and steady the tune reached his ears. The voice soon followed, and Shinji stood at the other side of the closed door taking in the cracked and tired singing of the man-Shinji had realized whoever it was singing was a man, at least. Father?

_"There's a feeling I get when I look to the west._

_And my spirit is crying for leaving. ">_

The man sung in English and, while Shinji couldn't possibly have known this, with pronunciation that would have sounded like mere gibberish to a native speaker. But, to him, it was beautiful, and that was all that mattered.

Shinji walked up to the door's keypad and pressed in the numbers to open it. It slid open without a sound, and Shinji saw a barricade had been built around the door: chairs, a desk with various splinters in it, and a bunch of other items. It must have been built in a hurry, for it was sloppily built, but Shinji figured it did its job. He tried to budge them away, and had minor success in moving the chairs away when he heard a bullet ricochet off the side of the desk.

"W-who's there!" A panicked voice croaked, he sounded like he was shaking. Another bullet followed.

Shinji could have answered right then, but his thoughts drifted to the last time a gun had been pointed at him. He knelt down and clutched his head.

01.

_Young, tormented Shinji Ikari is on the floor with his head in his lap; his arms are folded on his knees. He doesn't know where he is, somewhere in NERV, maybe, but he doesn't really care either. Asuka, help me. The alarms are blaring somewhere off in God knows where, and Shinji doesn't care. There are screams and gunfire and more screams and explosions and more screams, and Shinji doesn't know where he is, but he doesn't care. So it's alright. If Asuka were here it would be even better because then she could help him because he's useless._

_Who knows, maybe one of the bullets will be aimed at him, and it'll be okay, because Asuka's better than him anyways and she's alive; he thinks. He's never helped anyone by being himself: the cowardly, whiny, lonely bastard child that he is. Footsteps are heard far off, and then more screams, and then more gunfire. A party? Maybe one of those bullets will be aimed at him._

_There are people near him now. He can't seem them, his head's in his lap, but he sees their feet and their feet look mean. Combat boots, no one in NERV wears combat boots, and oh, there's blood on them. Are they here to kill him? Maybe? Please? They're talking to each other: is he the one? Yes, he is the one; don't you hear him screaming it? One of the men says something, just business or nothing personal. It's okay, he's useless, and he doesn't blame you. It's just business after all, rig-a gunshot, is he dead? Blood is pooling at his feet, dark and red._

_Yes, he must be dead then. Who else could that blood belong to?_

_Another gunshot. It's followed by the sound of heels clicking rapidly across concrete - click, click, click, and clack. Boom! Are they adding insult to injury? He's already dead, isn't that enough? He hears Misato's voice, dripping with venom, and she repeats what the man had told Shinji just before he killed him. That's what Kensuke would call "I-RO-NEE!" Then he hears a gunshot and a sound he quite doesn't know how to explain (a melon getting squashed by a sledgehammer comes to mind.) Then Shinji Ikari feels a tugging at his arm and someone telling him it's time to go._

_Oh, he's not dead yet after all; too bad. _

02.

Shinji heard another gunshot, and then the kicking away of furniture and wood. His hands were still clutched to his head and he didn't bother to look up when a voice once more called out to 'whoever's there.' He didn't look up when he felt the gun's cool barrel on the top of his head, or when the barrel retreated and the man began to laugh uncontrollably; in shock most likely. He did however look up with he felt the fist connect with his face. Why wouldn't he? It really, really hurt.

"What," Shinji muttered, rubbing the side of his face with his hand, "what did you do that for, and who-who are you?"

"You haven't changed, Shinji," the man responded reaching out a hand to help Shinji get up, "you really haven't changed at all."

Through the red glow Shinji could immediately make out who it was, because even if they hadn't interacted that often, there was only one man in NERV whose hair was that long and whose voice was packed full of that much cynicism: Shigeru Aoba.

03.

The two men (no, I'm not a man, not yet, Shinji thought) sat in opposing chairs on the platform that had once been NERV's command center. It wasn't quite as dark here as it had been outside, Aoba had built a camp fire in the middle of the room and the two began to tell each other of what they had been up to in the time that had gone by. Months, days, years, out of order or in order, if didn't matter; time was in flux.

Shinji told the other man about all that had happened; what had happened to Eva that he could remember; and about Asuka, while Aoba strummed the chords to the song he had been playing earlier and listened intently. Eventually, it came to the question as to how Aoba had escaped Instrumentality in tact,

"Truth is I didn't."

"Then how are you here?" Shinji asked, wide-eyed. He had escaped being melded into one by sheer will, Asuka because of him. Had Rei's and Mother's words people can be restored if they want to, depending on the strength within their hearts. been true then?

"Well...,

_Gunfire and explosions, shit. Is it really the end of NERV this easily? Shigeru Aoba curses his luck. The three lieutenants: Maya, Hyuga, and he are sitting ducks there after all. Ducking under their work places won't help them for long - oh great, an explosion. He holds a gun to Maya, and she refuses it, stubborn girl, he yells at her and grudgingly, she takes it. Don't die, there are bullets in the gun, don't die, I love you. If you die here, Maya, you do know there's no heaven to go to right? It doesn't matter that you were the cute, smart, funny, serious, beautiful, fuck, it just doesn't matter; but if we're to die, we do it right. God ain't here, honey, he never was - just us and the angels, and now them._

_Will they die here like dogs? Them, NERV members responsible for keeping humanity afloat, will they go out without a fight? Hell no! He shoots and takes out one of those bastards; that's more like it. Aoba curses his commander, was this all part of his plan; the killing, the bloodshed. Was it all part of his plan? Instrumentality's a bitch alright. A bullet barely misses lobbing off his right ear and he once more ducks to the cover and temporary safety of his work station. Hyuga curses at the men in the tactical gear below them and also ducks under his work place. Maya doesn't do anything; Damn it, do something!_

_Aoba shakes her, it's for her own good, and if she's resigning herself to her fate this early on, well, take out a few idiot's first. Their existence has no meaning, it never had any, and what they did here doesn't matter; it was a job for him. A job he secretly regrets ever doing, but won't ever admit to regretting it, for his actions aren't worth anything and his value in this world is nothing - admitting to regretting something would be admitting that what he did had any significance: it didn't. Damn! Barely missed his head there, some of his hair falls to his shoulders and he brushes it off. Hyuga's still shooting, cursing, and Maya's still not doing anything. She has her computer open in her lap, and she's clutching her head. Stubborn girl._

_He hears a rumbling outside, and suddenly, he is scared; everyone is scared. God, how he wishes he had his music right now; Metallica? Motorhead? Maiden? Maybe some good ole' Zeppelin? Yes, he wishes he could get the Led out right now._

_Later, when all's taken care of, and they're safe, monitoring Eva 00's position...he's scared; even more scared then he was before. Shit. Soon, oh God, anti-AT field? Anti-AT field? No, he wants an AT-Field around him; he doesn't want to be one, but himself, as one, but not as ONE. Professor Fuyutski, why? The Chamber of Gauf is open - all is lost, is it? We're all tumbling down, tumbling down; tumbling down...Aoba hears a scream, Hyuga? Hyuga, are you okay? He hears the sickening pop that follows his friend's screams, and he is scared. What's wron-- Pop! He wonders idly if Maya's been taken, too._

_Rei's, everywhere, Rei Ayanami, no! No! No! No! No! He will not become One, he will continue to be himself; fuck instrumentality! He'd rather have no value as himself than as one of none. He screams -- pop!_

_Tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling doooowwwn._

_Shigeru Aoba is now One with all, and it is fine. No worries because worries are for things with form, he is a sea now, his heart is open to all, and no barriers exist within mankind's souls. Maya is here, so is Hyuga, Commander Ikari, Dr. Akagi, Prof. Fuyutski, Misato, everyone, everyone is here; all are one. He feels like he's swimming. Does being one feel like your swimming? He wonders. If he is One, he doesn't need to know the answer, but he does anyway. Yes, yes it does. Here all minds and memories are one, but no one needs them anymore, because minds and memories are for things with form and barriers, and mankind is now One._

_No AT-Field to give them shape, to keep them from pain, reality, or the truth, and now, perhaps, he has meaning and value. His anti-values have seeped out of him when he lost his mind to the One, and now, it seems, he does have value. He is a member of the One, and that's great; it feels like he's swimming. In this vast pool of One he can see Maya's secret feelings for Dr. Akagi, which Dr. Akagi doesn't return but Maya knows this now so it's okay, and the small part of her heart reserved for him and him alone (he would later think back on the moment that gave him this small space in her heart fondly.) He's glad, but Maya knows this already because just like her feelings are always flowing into him, his, like a current, are always flowing into her._

_Does Love have any value in this sea of One, he wonders. Yes, the answer flows into him; Love is what keeps us swimming._

_So Shigeru Aoba stays in the sea of LCL, swimming with everyone as One. There are no barriers around his soul, or anyone else's. He's meeting new people, too, but no introductions are necessary, they are One and don't need to introduce each other because they already know everything there is to know about each other. Love keeps us swimming, and that is all: no lust, no worries, no secret desires, no wants, no vices, no, well, nothing. Those are things for beings with forms, and because our AT-Fields are no more, we have no forms, but it's okay, because we're One._

_But, but..._

**But what?**

_But what if we don't want to be one? Shigeru Aoba wonders._

**Then don't be, but is it worth it?**

_Is that possible? Shigeru Aoba asks, but in his heart already knows the answer._

**If that is your desire.**

_Can I? Shigeru Aoba asks, but again, knows in his heart the answer._

**If your heart is strong enough. You can recover your shell. **

_Then I will. Shigeru Aoba responds._

_And he does._

04.

"...I woke up floating naked in that LCL Sea, and nearly went insane when I saw what the world had become. The first thing I did was run here to see if anyone else had survived, but I didn't find anyone. Just arms, legs, a few whole corpses, and clothes with dried LCL around them. I'm not sure why some bodies became LCL, as I assume they did, and others didn't, but...honestly, I don't really care anymore," Aoba put his face in his hands and wept.

Shinji couldn't blame him, the ordeal sounded tiring, not as tiring as his experiences by far, but he could sympathize. He could do that much at least.

Aoba finally looked up, after a period of long silence between the two and said, "Why don't we go see how Asuka is doing?"

Shinji looked at the man with slight surprise. He'd nearly forgotten about Asuka.

05.

Stupid Shinji! Bastard Shinji!

Asuka cursed Shinji with every breath she took, never aloud where he could hear her; Shinji wasn't good enough to hear her cursing him, but even then, she cursed him inwardly. Every second of every Godforsaken day in this place of misery, she damned him to all circles of hell at once because only one at a time was too good for him.

Every time he was near, Asuka wished him gone. She would never tell him, though, because telling him to go away would be she's acknowledging his existence verbally, and that's too good for Bastard Shinji. When Shinji was gone, she felt a sense of emptiness take hold of her, but she reminded herself that she hated Shinji, and it was okay to bear this loneliness if it meant time without Shinji near. Yet, whenever Shinji returned from wherever he had wandered off to, Asuka resisted the urge to run towards him and hug him.

She took hold of some of the sand that lie at her feet and let it sift through her long, delicate fingers and then looked at the large scar in the palm of her hand. It was where her hand had been split apart in mother's care. Her bandages had long been taken off of her, and she was glad; she hated them. They were a constant reminder that she had died once, maybe twice before and was only here because Shinji needed her. Selfish, cowardly, Bastard Shinji. Asuka hated him, with every fiber of her being; Asuka Langley Soryu hated Shinji Ikari.

**Is that the truth?**

Yes.

**Why?**

He is a coward, a spineless pig, pathetic. He cannot help himself, he cannot help anyone, and yet, he expects everyone to love him; praise him for losing himself. Why should anyone love him when he can't even love himself?

**But you love him. **

Liar.

**Aren't you just running away from these feelings?**

No! I...I never run away from anything, why should I? Shinji's the one who runs, he always runs.

**So you would rather be alone.**

Yes! No! I - I don't know.

**Which is it?**

No! I don't want to be alone, but that doesn't mean I love Shinji.

**Doesn't it?**

It does, doesn't it?

**Only you would know.**

Alone, Asuka Langley Soryu wept.

06.

The trip out of the Geo-front had been a long one, they had had to take the escalator-which had ceased working a long time ago- to the highest point of the cavern, and then navigate through many different routes to find the exit. It took them nearly four hours, Apocalypse Local Time. It never occurred to Shinji that they could have very simply taken the route he took in, out. He was overjoyed at the fact that he finally found someone that would talk to him. It was, however, too good to be true. Things like this always are.

On the beach, Aoba occasionally stopped to look at the wreckage that had been left behind and each time drew in a deep breath. It must be hard seeing these things for the first time, Shinji thought. Even he still had a hard time believing it was real, but as he had been told a million times before, reality was always the hardest thing to accept as truth. Sweet irony.

_"Ikari/Shigeru."_

The two stopped in their tracks, were they hearing things? Each looked at the other and shook their heads respectively.

_"We've things to discuss/Shigeru, please come here."_

This time, both turned towards the sea of LCL and each saw something different. Shinji saw Rei Ayanami, nude, floating mere feet above the sea; while Aoba saw Maya in a form he had often fallen asleep dreaming about, also nude.

07.

Shigeru Aoba, one-time nihilist, metal head, and musician walked towards the smiling form of the woman he once thought would be nice to go out with. He didn't care that his pants were getting wet, or that he was slowly walking into the sea. This was the woman he loved, and well, damn, the only person in existence that to him actually mattered isome/i

"Yo, it's been a long time Maya."

_"Yes."_

"What are you doing floating around?"

He moved closer towards her.

_"You left us."_

"Yes, I know."

_"Why?"_

"I wanted it."

_"Oh. Didn't you want me?"_

"You wanted someone else."

_"But we were One."_

"Just not in the way I wanted."

_"Oh."_

"Remember when...?"

_"Yes." _She replied in a voice that was hers and not, more of an amalgam of voices he knew from before.

08.

_Maya Ibuki is sitting on a bench in the NERV Staff lounge with her laptop open, listening to an obscure band from the era she was born. She is working on the latest updates for the MAGI, for her Senpai. So engrossed in her work, Maya doesn't notice her colleague come in and grab himself a juice from the vending machine. She also doesn't notice when he buys another pouch and drops it into her nap. She does, however, notice when he knocks on her head like a person would normally a door._

_"What-huh?" Maya exclaims, nearly dropping her laptop but catching it at the last second._

_"You looked thirsty. Man, Maya, you're overworking yourself, you know."_

_"I, um, thank you for the concern, Aoba, but I'm alright."_

_"Okay," Aoba says casually._

_He doesn't leave the room, and instead sits down beside her, looking over her shoulder at what she's working on._

_"More work for Dr. Akagi?"_

_"Um, yes, some updates for the MAGI. Seems they've been arguing more often than usual lately. So Dr. Akagi wants me to try and see if I can help them agree a little more and see just what the problem is."_

_"I see," he says casually, "sounds...err, boring actually."_

_"Then, who's better equipped than boring old me to do this boring work?" She remarks._

_"Hey, you're not boring."_

_"Oh?" Maya gives him a curious look; he's a funny one all right._

_"Yeah, in fact, I bet you're the only one out of all the women here who could even hope to hold a candle to Major Katsuragi."_

_And for the first time in what seems like weeks, Maya Ibuki bursts out in a torrent of giggles._

_"Hey, you sell yourself short, Maya. Tell you what, how about I take you out for dinner tomorrow and we'll see how fun you are?"_

_Maya's fit stops short and she suddenly stands up, this time dropping her laptop completely._

_"Did I say something wrong?" Aoba asks as he picks up her fallen laptop. It isn't broken._

_"N-no, it's just I'm busy tomorrow."_

_"Then how is Friday for you?"_

_"Um..."_

_"Oh, I see." Aoba says, crestfallen, but acting like it doesn't affect him at all. He's a horrible actor, "It's alright. Here's your laptop."_

_Maya Ibuki doesn't like making anyone sad, and while her feelings for Dr. Akagi are as real as she could ever hope for; she has always held a sort of soft spot for Shigeru Aoba, but never enough to give up on the hope of her senpai one day loving her back._

_"Wait...it's not that I don't want to...it's just - it's..."_

_Aoba stops short of the doorway and turns back; was she blushing? He moves closer to her._

_"There's just someone that I...but it's not that you're not...I do think you're..."_

_She's babbling, and he cuts her off with his lips. She becomes putty in his hands, putting up slight resistance at first, but as soon as he grabs her wrists, Maya Ibuki lets herself go loose. Eventually, she begins to kiss back with as much gusto as he had put in. It doesn't last long as she hears Dr. Akagi's voice beckoning her over the intercom. The guilt of betraying her senpai is too hard to bear, and while the object of her love doesn't return her affections, it's still a betrayal._

_She pushes him away and he looks shocked._

_"But I thought...?"_

_"It isn't fair. Not to you, not to me, not to anyone. Sorry, but...I can't."_

_Dr. Akagi's voice once again comes up over the loud-speakers, calling for Maya and Maya complies. She picks up her things and runs out of the room. Leaving behind a very, very confused man._

_Later, when Aoba is catching stolen glances at Maya and sees her catching stolen glances at Dr. Ritsuko Akagi he understands. The only thing he doesn't understand is how he hadn't noticed it before; it was as obvious as the crush Hyuga had on Major Katsuragi._

Aoba loses himself in the moment, and the nude, floating form of Maya embraces him. She captures his lips, and with a Pop! He is apart of the sea of One; LCL once more.

09.

Shinji Ikari had his head in the bare lap of the girl he once felt strong feelings for, before she was to be the Mother of Humanity. She stroked his brow idly. The two were floating just above the surface of the sea of LCL. They were not speaking; it was enough for them to just be like that. They didn't need to speak. Both Shinji Ikari and Rei Ayanami had seen the events that transpired between Maya Ibuki and Shigeru Aoba, and neither one had spoken throughout the whole ordeal. Shinji, of course, was sad at losing the only other survivor he had seen so far so shortly after finding him, but he saw the look of happiness just before he rejoined the One, and while he was selfish, he wouldn't deny anyone that happiness. If they wished for that, let them. For now, he was with Rei, and that was enough to quell any feelings of loneliness for the time being; at least until she left.

"What now, Ayanami?" Shinji asked, breaking the sweet silence between them. For a moment, she said nothing and merely played with his hair and stared out into the ocean of orange in front of her. He allowed her time to answer.

_"Things go back to how they once were,"_ she finally said, taking a stray hair out of Shinji's face. Shinji marveled at how delicate her hands were, and how soft her legs were.

"Do they have to?"

_"Not if you don't want them to."_

"I don't think I can handle deciding the fate of humanity again."

The blue haired woman flashed a small smile.

"Ayanami, are there are other survivors?"

_"No one has died, Shinji."_

"I mean are there still people who haven't been turned into LCL out there? Like Aoba, Asuka, and I?"

Rei nodded, _"Yes, there are few who denied Instrumentality, as you have, but they are far from here. And, as I have told you, any person whose heart is strong enough can return; if they all but wish it."_

"Ayanami?"

_"Yes, Shinji?"_

"Thank you."

_"For what?"_

Shinji raised his head from her lap until he was face to face with the red eyed girl (red, like the color of his reality) and kissed her. Much to his surprise, she kissed back and then pulled away. He set his head once more into her lap and the two continued like that for what seemed like hours.

_"I have to go, Shinji."_

"Yeah, I know."

And with that, she left him, floating as he was before, but this time alone. As she vanished, Shinji thought he heard the familiar voice of Kaworu, somewhere far off, laughing. He smiled.

Shinji stayed like that for another hour until he finally let himself float down into the LCL and swam back to shore. He had come to a decision, for the first time in his life; he had made a choice he had wanted to make. Had he finally become a man?

010.

So it was like that, was it? Did she really love that stupid Shinji that much? Had she not told herself she would never care for him unless he was ready to render himself whole to her? Had she not told herself with so much conviction that she had hated him? All those nights of lying awake and cursing the very air Shinji breathed was for naught?

Asuka had wept long and hard after this realization. She had come to depend on no one but herself, even through her fear of abandonment, she had always only depended on herself; no need for love, only Kaji would have done. But now she was settling for Shinji instead?

**Settling? Are you that scared it might be real?**

Yes.

To her right she heard the shuffling of feet and turned to see Shinji. The urge to fling herself at him was strong again, stronger than ever, she supposed. And this time, she allowed herself to act on that impulse.

Shinji was sodden, wet with what smelled like a bloody fluid, but she didn't care. He was surprised at this sudden attack by the woman who had once avoided him like the plague and barely moved beyond the occasional reach for the sky. What changed?

Asuka let him go and turned her back to him.

"Shinji?"

Shinji did a double take, was she speaking?

"Shinji, I'm sorry."

For what? He thought, but didn't dare say it aloud for fear she would stop talking altogether.

"I'm sorry for all these nights of hating you. Damn it, I'm sorry."

"It's...okay, Asuka."

"No, it's not, because I love you Shinji."

"You...?"

"Yes, Shinji, I love you." It was her voice but at the same time, not, it sounded like Rei Ayanami's voice and Misato Katsuragi's voice as well.

He was taken aback, truly, and before he could say anything further she kissed him; furiously and passionately. The two made love there on the white shore in Shinji's reality of red. Of red. (And yes, for the rest of her days on that blood red world, Asuka looked back on that night with a wistful fondness; always questioning her actions; always wondering what other-worldly force could have possibly compelled her to let him, Shinji Ikari the bastard she had so hated just a few hours before then, take her on that sandy white beach; always wondering what forced allowed Shinji to grow a spine-among other things-and comply with her wishes, but she never regretted it. Never…)

011.

"Asuka?" Shinji said, waking up from a night's sleep he still could not believe. She grunted in return in his arms, that was how he knew it was real.

"I made a decision today."

"About what?"

"We're leaving. We're going to look for survivors, and hopefully find them. I'm sure they're out there though. At least, I think I'm sure."

"Fine."

"What? Really?"

"It's your reality."

Shinji laughed, he laughed until the tears started to leak from his eyes, and Asuka laughed too, except she didn't know why.

012.

Kaworu sat on the remains of the fallen angel and laughed. Rei stood beside him on the ground below looking at him with a curious face. He shook his head and leapt down to meet her. They were both wearing their school uniforms, even though such things were beneath them; the son of Adam and daughter of Lilith.

"It's amazing, isn't it?" Kaworu said.

"What is?"

"How the human spirit can take so much pain and still hold on to such small hopes."

"I suppose you're right, but what place do we have to judge?"

"Yes, you're right. It's Shinji's."

"What now?"

"We watch, I think. Let us bear witness to the rebirth of humanity."

And they did.


End file.
